Arkham VS Tricell
by The Four Horsemen of the End
Summary: Albert Wesker, Excella, Ricardo Irving, and Jill Valentine Vs The Joker, Harley Quinn, The Riddler and the Penguin. Add in some random Cameos for good measure. Enter Chaos' warm welcome. Discontiued.
1. Welcome to Blood Gulch

**A/N: Hey guys, Famine here!**

**Sorry about making you guys wait so long for my next fic, but here it is, Arkham vs. Tricell! I know it's very strange, but this is what happens after I watch all of Red vs. Blue, The Dark Knight, some of the old Batman cartoons, and finish playing some Resident Evil. I know the characters will seem a little OOC, but it's a parody! So, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hi I'm a marvel and I'm a DC, Red vs. Blue, Batman, Phineas and Ferb, or Resident Evil. No matter how much I want to T-T.**

**Note: **_**Italics: Flashback or thoughts **_

"Hi I'm a Capcom."

"And I'm the Joker!"

"I'm Albert Wesker."

"And I've always got a smile on my face!"

"Good for you, now a lot of people have said I'm the best video game villain of all time."

"And a lot of people say I'm the best comic book villain of all time."

Joker paused and then turned to Wesker.

"But, wait," he said to the blonde. "Then, who's the better villain?"

Wesker and Joker stared at each other for a second before bursting out in laughter.

"What a stupid question!" Wesker laughed.

"I know! It's so obvious that it's-" Joker laughed along.

"It's definitely-"

"Me."

"Me."

They both paused and stared at each other.

"You?" Wesker snorted.

"Yeah, why? What makes you better?" Joker replied.

Wesker only continued to laugh. "I don't get my ass kicked by a guy in tights!"

"Well," Joker tried to come up with a comeback. "At least _I_ don't get bitch slapped by a girl!"

If looks could kill, the Joker would have been reduced to ashes by Wesker's hateful glare.

The Joker smiled, "I smell parody!"

**Xxxxxxxxx later at Blood Gulch Xxxxxxxxx**

Famine suddenly appeared out of thin air.

"We're just borrowing this set." She assured the readers before they began flaming. "Rooster Teeth isn't using it at the moment, so enjoy the fun!"

Famine disappeared into a puff of smoke.

She began coughing and her distant shouts could be heard. "Dammit War! I told you no more smoke bombs!"

**Xxxxxxxxx Arkham base Xxxxxxxxx**

Penguin and Riddler sat on the roof of the base staring out at the horizon.

"Hey, Riddler."

"Yes?"

"Did you ever wonder why we're here?"

"That's one of the great mysteries of life, Penguin. Why are we here? Is there any meaning to our existence? Is there really a god?-"

"Whoa, what?" Penguin interrupted.

"What?" Riddler asked.

"I meant why are we _HERE? _ You know, at this base. I mean, as far as I know, the only reason we're in this mess is because those Capcom idiots think they're better than us. And the only reason we have a base over here is because they have a base over there."

"Oh,"

"What was all that stuff about God?"

"N-nothing." The Riddler turned as his face turned a bright red.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Penguin broke it.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No, no, I'm good."

**Xxxxxxxxx Tricell base Xxxxxxxxx**

Wesker sat at his desk furiously trying to figure out a good plan of action. The door opened to reveal Excella leaning against the door frame.

"Oh, Albie." She purred as she neared his desk.

"Hello, Excella." Wesker said not looking up from his plans.

"What'cha doing?" she asked after finally reaching his desk.

"Trying to strike before they do." He answered still not looking at her.

"Why not have a little fun?" she asked sitting on his desk.

"Prank calling Rebecca with Billy's cell phone?" Wesker asked holding up Billy's cell.

"No," Excella tried to drop more hints. "I mean with someone you love."

Wesker thought for a moment. "Prank call Rebecca with Billy's cell phone with my mother?"

Excella sighed in disappointment. Seducing Wesker was going to be harder than she thought.

**Xxxxxxxxx Arkham base Xxxxxxxxx**

"Hello, Riddler."

"Hello, Penguin."

Penguin looked around and noticed their only two comrades were missing.

"Um," he was almost afraid to ask. "Where are Harley and Joker?"

"In Joker's room." Riddler sighed with aggravation.

Penguin sighed. "Damn, why is it that the only girl on our side is Harley Quinn? I mean Tricell has two! Not to mention one of them is under a mind control device so it's not like it'd be hard to rewire-"

Penguin stopped and turned to Riddler. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Depends," Riddler replied holding out a folded up piece of paper to Penguin. "Is this what you were thinking?"

Penguin took the paper and looked at it. His eyes went wide and a deep blush moved across his face. He turned away.

"NO, NO, NO! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS THINKING!"

"Penguin," Riddler growled. "You're holding it upside down."

Penguin flipped the paper and looked at it again. "Oh, yeah! This is exactly what I was thinking! Let's go!"

**Xxxxxxxxx outside Tricell base Xxxxxxxxx**

"Oh, come on!" Irving shouted. "Why is it _I'm _always the one to get stuck with the mindless puppet?"

Jill didn't move or react to his complaints. She had strict orders from Wesker.

"_Keep an eye on those Arkham idiots." _He had told her. _"And if Irving tries anything beat the crap out of him." _

Irving looked back at Jill. She was lying on her stomach and looking through her binoculars at the enemy's base. He smirked. _Maybe, _he thought, _I can have a little fun with her._

He reached his hand out toward her. Suddenly Jill's hand gripped his wrist and a loud **CRACK! **could be heard as she broke it.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!" He cried. "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN! AH! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND LIKE THAT!"

Suddenly Jill pushed him away. "Behind you." She told him.

"Huh?" Irving turned only to be met with a cane to the face. Sudden darkness took him as he heard what sounded like a fight between Jill and two guys. Then there was silence.

**A/N: Uh oh. Things don't look too good for Tricell at the moment. What will happen next? To tell you the truth, I don't even know.**


	2. Harley dated Fontaine in high school

**A/N: Hey everyone! That's right, I'm back!**

**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my very first reviewer: Legal – Assassin 101. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Red vs. Blue, Batman, Code Geass, FMA Abridged, Bioshock or Resident Evil. If I did, why would I be writing fanfics?**

**Xxxxxxxxx Tricell Base Xxxxxxxxx **

Wesker and Excella looked down at their unconscious team mate.

"Irving?" Excella called to wake him up, but Irving only snored.

"Iiiiiirrrrrrving" Wesker joined in, but Irving only muttered something about the world's largest pizza.

"WAKE UP YOU BIRKIN, STEVE, AND SALAZAAR RIP OFF!" Wesker shouted and kicked Irving in the stomach.

"NO, DON'T THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY, SUZAKU!" Irving shouted as he woke up.

There was silence as Irving looked around at Excella and Wesker trying to figure out where his Nightmare went. Suddenly, he remembered the events that had happened earlier.

"Wesker!" Irving shouted scurrying to get up. "Those Arkham bastards attacked us and kidnapped Jill!"

"What?" it took a little while for Wesker to register what Irving had just reported. "WHAT DO YA MEAN THEY TOOK JILL?!" He grabbed Irving by the collar and shook him violently. "THEY CAN REWIRE THE MINDCONTROL AND MAKE HER THEIR MINION! SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO NEVER DROVE ME CRAZY AND ALWAYS DID WHAT SHE WAS TOLD! She was also a really good listener…"

"We should go after her." Excella interrupted whatever was going on in Wesker's head.

"You're right," Wesker agreed as he dropped Irving. "We must go after my little puppet, Tallyho!"

**Xxxxxxxxx Arkham Base Xxxxxxxxx**

Joker and Harley Quinn looked around for their team mates until they spotted Riddler carrying a rather large bag over his shoulder.

"Please, tell me that's Penguin in there." Joker said pointing to the sack.

"Keep dreaming." Penguin said popping out from behind Riddler and carefully placing the bag on the ground.

"Well," Harley Quinn walked cautiously over to the sack. "What IS in there?"

Riddler smirked as he opened the top of the sack and let it fall open around its occupant.

"Well, well," Joker smirked (or was it a grin? He's always got that same smile, it's hard to tell). "If it isn't Wesker's little puppet."

"Yup," Penguin was very proud of himself. "Now we can rewire the mind control device and have her work for us."

"There's just one problem." Joker stated.

"What?" Riddler felt weird asking a question that he didn't already know the answer to.

"Does anyone here know how to rewire a mind control device?" Joker asked.

The room went silent. Crickets could be heard outside. This was weird, considering it was mid afternoon.

"Um," Harley broke the silence. "I might know."

"How?" Riddler still felt weird.

"I dated an evil scientist back in high school."

Riddler gave a puzzled look to Penguin.

"I don't question them anymore." Penguin told him.

"OK," Riddler sighed. "Go for it."

**Xxxxxxxxx Outside Arkham Base Xxxxxxxxx**

"So," Irving looked at Wesker from his hiding spot behind a large rock. "What do we do?"

"Easy," Excella replied. "You go in there and try to get Jill back while I stay out here and try to make out with Wesker. If you succeed, good for you! If you fail, we're finally rid of you and I have a new boyfriend. So, either way, everyone wins!"

"…Wait, WHAT?!" Wesker scooted a few inches away from Excella. "That's not the plan!"

"Well," Irving peered over the rock to see if anyone was coming. "What IS the plan then?"

"Hm," Wesker thought for a moment. "Irving stays here and watches the front door." He began explaining. "Excella stays on that cliff up there to get a better view of the whole area. I go inside and try to retrieve Jill. If either of you see anything, alert me with your radio."

"Aww," Excella whined. "Why do you have to go in there all alone?"

"Because," Wesker stated, "I'll finally be away from the two of you."

And with that, each of them began operation: Get Jill back before she becomes a mindless pawn for the black king, a.k.a, operation: GIVE ME BACK MY PUPPET!

**Xxxxxxxxx Inside Arkham base Xxxxxxxxx**

It had been almost an hour before Harley had started her "experiment". Her three male team mates all sat around the floor outside the room playing cards.

"Got any 3's?" Penguin asked.

"Go fish." Riddler responded.

The door slammed open causing the trio to jump and send cards flying everywhere. Harley smiled happily as she stepped aside and allowed them to see… Jill Valentine. There was absolutely no difference from before. Her air was still blonde, pale skin, and that same blank expression.

"Did it work?" Joker asked.

"Of course it did, Puddin'." Harley replied. "But there is a teensy problem-"

"Jill," Penguin began his first command. "Go get me some soda!"

This was followed by Penguin screaming as he was thrown into a wall by Jill. Harley sighed.

"You need to give her orders in a specific way." She finished her explanation to Joker. "For example: Jill," the blonde turned toward Harley as she continued the command, "Would you kindly go get Penguin a soda?" Jill turned and went off towards the kitchen.

Joker smiled, "Oh, this is going to be fun."

**A/N: I'm sorry if this was short! I'm writing it all off the top of my head! I'm also sorry if the characters are OOC, but it's really hard to keep them in character while trying to make it funny! Anyway, please review, tell me what I should do to make it better, but DON"T FLAME PLEASE!!! **


	3. Up for Adoption

**A/N: Hey guys, Famine here. I'm really sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! If I did, I would've written this as a comic and then made a game!**

**Xxxxxxxxx Arkham Base Xxxxxxxxx**

Wesker rounded the corner. He stopped and slammed his back up against the wall and peered around the corner. He watched as Jill walked over to Penguin, who was currently on the floor mumbling about how he was going to pay Jill back for throwing him into a WALL, and handed him a soda.

_What the hell? _Wesker thought, _They rewired her control so fast? No, that couldn't be it. They must have found some way to make her work for them without actually making her switch to their side._

"Alright now," Joker laughed, "Jill, would you kindly go find Wesker and kill the son of a bitch?"

Jill turned and began to walk in Wesker's direction.

_Dammit! _Wesker turned and ran around the corner. _This is not happening! I cannot lose on the third chapter! There had to be something that Joker said to make Jill go after me. Her name? No, that'd just be retarded. My name? No, it couldn't be. Son of a bitch? No, he doesn't swear that much. Would you Kindly? ... It's stupid, unoriginal, and just like Joker and his girlfriend._

He turned and noticed Jill chasing after him. "Hey, Jill!" He called to her. "Would you kindly NOT do what Joker just told you?"

Jill suddenly stopped dead in her tracks.

"Good girl." Wesker turned and patted Jill on the head. "Now, let's get you out of here."

**A/N: That's it. I'm done. If you want to continue the story you can, just give me some credit.**

**I'm sorry, but I'm all out of ideas for this and have a lot of other fics in mind. **

**Please vote on my poll for my next multi-chapter fic. I can't choose.**

**See ya!**


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